Life & Losing Someone You Love

Okay so back in 2005 my Grandma Claudia passed away....It's been the hardest death on me yet. I have had alot of people pass in my family since I was little. I have counted and it is about 12 people since I was about 1. And more and more pass yearly I swear to you. If you were at my wedding you would have noticed that I was red at the alter and looked like I had been crying....Well I broke down on my wedding day because Grandma Claudia wasn't there....It's been hard for me and I don't know how to let it go. Life sucks sometimes, however death is a part of life....We are all going to be there one day. I have major panic attacks about death and almost black out when I have them. I don't want to die, I want to live forever. However that is not possible. So I found this saying that is making it easier for me to get through those hard times of Grandmas passing.

"Missing someone gets easier everyday,
because even though it's one day
further from the last time you saw eachother,
it's one day closer to the next time you will."

Grandma I Love and miss you tons. I never thought I would have to go through life without you by my side. And it kills me that I never told you how much I love you. It's so much harder because I can't tell you that now to your face. I have to look up into the sky and tell you. It's not the same and I regret it everyday. I miss you more than anything. You were always there for me when I needed you and I could never thank you for that now. I wish you were here to see Jessica walk down the aisle and become my wife. I know you would love her. I miss all the times we had together as a family with you there. When my car went up in flames the only thing I got out of it was the picture of you. That's all I cared about. Because I love seeing you look at me. I will again see you one day. I can't wait. But until then I will look up and tell you how much I love and miss you. I know you get me through these hard times of my life....I thank you so much. I can't wait to see you again so I can hug you and tell you how much I love you....Todd